Going Backwards to Heal… Or Is It Really Going Forward?

One of the things that stands out to me most in trauma therapy and healing work is this understanding that progress does not always feel like progress. In fact, sometimes healing can feel like you are going backwards before you move forward.

This is something I hear often in my work as a trauma therapist. Clients will say things like, “I thought I was doing better, but now everything feels harder again,” or “I feel like I took steps forward and now I’m back where I started.”

But I would argue that this is not actually going backwards at all.

Sometimes, in order to truly move forward, you first have to go back.

In deeper trauma-informed care, whether through EMDR therapy, somatic trauma therapy, mindfulness practices, or other trauma therapy approaches, we often have to revisit the root source of symptoms, emotional distress, nervous system patterns, and protective coping mechanisms. That means uncovering painful memories, grief, emotional wounds, or experiences that may have been buried, disconnected, minimized, or misunderstood for years.

And yes, sometimes symptoms can temporarily feel worse before they begin to improve.

For example, during EMDR therapy or exposure-based work, there are moments when distress increases in the middle of the process before relief comes. This can understandably feel discouraging or confusing. It can make people wonder if therapy is “working.”

This is also why I sometimes struggle with how standardized assessments like the GAD-7 or PHQ-9 are interpreted in trauma work. Occasionally, scores may temporarily reflect worsening symptoms, while in reality, the person is actually becoming more aware, more emotionally connected, and more honest about what they have been carrying. In many ways, that awareness is progress.

Trauma healing is not linear.

And honestly, healing in general rarely is.

One of the biggest misconceptions I see surrounding healing is the belief that people should eventually arrive at a perfectly “healed” or “cured” version of themselves. When people hold onto this idea too rigidly, any setback, emotional trigger, difficult season, or resurfacing wound can suddenly feel like failure.

But healing is often a process of revisiting previous wounds with greater awareness, more safety, and more internal resources than before.

The beautiful thing about trauma work is that when you are safe enough and supported enough, you can revisit painful experiences through a different lens. You are no longer the exact same version of yourself that originally experienced the trauma. You now have more insight, tools, emotional capacity, nervous system awareness, and support.

Sometimes healing looks like returning to an old wound and realizing it no longer controls you in the same way.

Sometimes healing looks like reducing the intensity of suffering, not eliminating it entirely.

For example, if a traumatic memory once felt like a 10 out of 10 in distress and now feels like a 5 or 6 out of 10, that is still a huge win. Even if the memory is not fully resolved, there is still meaningful movement and relief happening within the nervous system and emotional experience.

We can work with that.

This is why I encourage people to loosen rigid expectations around healing and recovery. Sometimes we become so focused on finding the “perfect fix” or the “magic cure” that we end up endlessly searching for the next thing that will finally heal us completely (which does not exist).

But healing is usually much more nuanced than that.

Real healing often involves learning how to understand yourself more deeply, regulate your nervous system, build self-awareness, develop coping tools, create safer relationships, and move through life with more intention and self-compassion.

That does not mean the process is always easy.

There may absolutely be moments of discomfort, grief, anger, fear, sadness, or emotional overwhelm. However, good trauma-informed care also involves building resources and tools alongside the deeper work. In individual therapy, this may involve grounding skills, mindfulness, emotional regulation strategies, nervous system work, somatic interventions, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills, boundary work, or learning how to reconnect with your body safely.

The goal is not to throw someone into pain without support.

The goal is to help someone learn how to move through pain and emotions differently.

Because eventually, those same tools can help you navigate future challenges too. Instead of feeling completely consumed by emotional distress, you may begin noticing it, observing it, understanding it, and responding to it with greater wisdom and self-trust.

Another important part of healing is accepting that your journey will look uniquely different from someone else’s.

Some people may move through trauma work relatively quickly. Others may need more time, pauses, revisiting, or slower pacing. Some wounds may heal deeply, while others may soften but never fully disappear.

And that is okay too.

Healing is not a competition or a race.

I also encourage people to explore where their expectations around healing came from in the first place. Ask yourself:

• What do I expect from myself in therapy?
• Do I expect myself to heal quickly?
• Do I believe there should be a perfect cure?
• Am I putting pressure on myself to “be better” by a certain timeline?
• Are other people placing expectations on my healing process?
• What did I witness growing up around emotions, therapy, trauma, or vulnerability?
• Have I ever actually seen someone engage in authentic healing work before?

Sometimes our beliefs about healing come from family dynamics, societal messaging, social media, relationships, or unrealistic portrayals of therapy and transformation.

Healing is rarely instant.

It is often slow, layered, intentional, nonlinear, and deeply personal.

So instead of trying to force yourself into some idealized version of recovery, I encourage you to approach your healing process with curiosity, honesty, openness, and self-compassion.

Start with small steps.

Get to know yourself.

Get to know your patterns, your nervous system, your history, your needs, and your emotional world.

Observe what feels aligned and what does not.

Notice what supports your growth and what keeps you disconnected from yourself.

And most importantly, remember this:

Just because healing feels uncomfortable at times does not mean you are failing.

Sometimes going back is actually the very thing that allows you to finally move forward.

– Valeriya Bauer, Psychotherapist