Some Tips, Tools, and Tricks for Having a Successful Therapy and Healing Experience
As a therapist and someone who’s been on both sides of the healing journey, I’ve gathered a few lessons that I often share with my clients—and practice myself. Whether you’re beginning trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, or exploring somatic trauma therapy, these tips can help you create a more grounded, compassionate, and authentic experience in your healing process.
1. Redefine Gratitude: Avoid Toxic Positivity
One of the biggest struggles I had early on was with gratitude. Honestly, I used to hate it. Everywhere I turned, people said, “Just be grateful,” as if gratitude was a band-aid for pain. When you’re going through something hard, being told to “practice gratitude” can feel invalidating and dismissive.
Gratitude has meaning only when it feels true and aligned with your reality. For many survivors of emotional abuse or narcissistic abuse, being told to “look on the bright side” can echo the same invalidation they experienced growing up—when their feelings were ignored or minimized.
So instead of forcing yourself into toxic gratitude or false positivity, practice emotional honesty. You can replace “Everything is perfect” with something more grounded like, “Things are hard right now, but I’m doing my best to move through this one step at a time.”
This approach validates your truth while still holding space for hope and resilience.
2. Find What Works for You
We live in a world overflowing with wellness advice. Someone swears that EMDR therapy changed their life. Another says mindfulness or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is the magic key. The truth? Healing is deeply personal.
Your nervous system, your trauma history, and your emotional needs are uniquely yours. What works beautifully for one person might not work for you—and that’s okay.
As a psychotherapist, I’ve learned that successful therapy depends on fit, not formula. That’s why it’s so important to find a therapist who can draw from different approaches—whether that’s somatic trauma therapy, trauma-informed care, or relationship therapy—so the work can adapt to you.
If you’re looking for therapy in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, Agoura Hills, Calabasas, Oak Park, Ventura, or Los Angeles, consider scheduling consultations with a few different therapists. Notice not just what they specialize in, but how you feel in their presence. Healing happens in safety and connection, not in following the newest viral technique.
3. Practice Self-Validation and Reparenting
Many people enter individual therapy after years of internalizing negative self-talk. Growing up in invalidating or abusive environments can teach us to be harsh with ourselves—to criticize instead of comfort.
Therapy is, in many ways, the art of reparenting yourself. You’re learning to talk to yourself the way you wish your caregivers had talked to you—with gentleness, compassion, and warmth.
When you notice your inner critic, pause and shift your tone. Offer yourself words like:
“It’s okay that I feel this way.”
“I’m learning.”
“I can give myself what I didn’t receive.”
Self-validation means you stop waiting for others to approve of your feelings or worth. Instead, you become your own safe base. It’s not instant—it takes time, repetition, and patience—but the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
I’ve witnessed this transformation both personally and professionally: when people start talking to themselves with kindness, their inner and outer worlds begin to shift.
4. Create a Self-Care List and Self-Soothing Kit
This one is simple but powerful. Healing from trauma—especially complex or developmental trauma—requires learning how to regulate your body and reconnect with joy.
Start by creating a self-care list: activities that genuinely help you feel grounded, nourished, or inspired. This could be walking in nature, journaling, dancing, doing yoga, or spending time with a pet. Keep this list visible so you can return to it when you feel overwhelmed.
Then, create a self-soothing kit—a small physical bag filled with sensory tools that bring comfort and grounding. You might include:
-
A calming essential oil or perfume sample
-
A meaningful stone or crystal
-
Fidget tools or putty
-
A piece of dark chocolate or sour candy (great for interrupting anxiety spikes)
-
Lip balm or lotion with a soothing scent
-
A tiny coloring book or crossword puzzle
The goal is to engage your senses when your nervous system is activated. These tools help you come back into the present moment and remind your body that you are safe.
5. Keep It Playful and Flexible
Healing doesn’t have to be all seriousness and shadow work. In fact, reconnecting with joy and creativity is a major part of trauma recovery. When you’ve lived in survival mode, allowing yourself to play—even in small doses—can feel revolutionary.
Add “fun” to your healing toolkit. That might look like painting, watching a comfort show, playing with your pet, or decorating your space with bright colors. (Personally, I love anything that feels playful or reminds me of my inner child.)
Therapy and self-work are not about being perfect; they’re about becoming more yourself.
Final Thoughts
Healing is not a linear process—it’s cyclical, layered, and deeply human. Whether you’re doing EMDR therapy, somatic trauma therapy, or mindfulness-based trauma work, the most important thing is to make your healing journey your own.
Find what works for your unique nervous system. Honor your emotions instead of bypassing them. Talk to yourself the way you wish someone had once talked to you. And most importantly, bring gentleness and curiosity into your process.
Because healing isn’t about being “fixed.”
It’s about learning to feel whole again and returning to your true, loving self.
Written by Valeriya Bauer, Psychotherapist
Providing trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, and somatic trauma therapy for adults in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, Agoura Hills, Calabasas, Oak Park, Ventura, and Los Angeles, California.
Offering both online sessions and in-person therapy.
