My Philosophy on Living Life and How to Live It

Published On: August 4, 2025Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Life Transitions/Challenges, Therapy Process, Trauma, Treatments

By Valeriya Bauer, Psychotherapist

Everyone in this world has a difficult time. Life isn’t easy—and it was never meant to be. As a trauma therapist, I see this truth echoed in the experiences of my clients every day. Whether we’re navigating the aftermath of emotional abuse, working through trauma in individual therapy, or seeking connection through relationship therapy, one thing remains constant: life has its challenges. And no one is exempt.

We live in a world where social media often paints an unrealistic picture—highlight reels filled with smiles, achievements, and curated joy. It’s easy to feel like others are living simpler, easier lives. But behind every polished post is a human being with their own story, their own struggles. And knowing that, we can begin to show up for our own lives more fully.

Riding the Wave: A Philosophy for Resilience

One of the core tools I teach in trauma therapy, somatic trauma therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy is something I call “riding the wave.” In clinical terms, it’s often referred to as urge surfing. When faced with a strong emotion or life challenge, our instinct might be to resist it, to wish it away. But what if we just… let it be?

Instead of fighting the wave, what if we learned to surf it?

Riding the wave means leaning into your emotions. Not in a way that overwhelms, but in a way that honors what’s coming up. In trauma-informed care, we know that what you resist, persists. Avoiding pain often prolongs it. Embracing it, on the other hand, allows it to move through you.

This is something I’ve seen time and again, both in my own life and in my practice. Whether I’m offering EMDR therapy for someone recovering from sexual abuse or guiding a client through mindfulness strategies to handle anxiety, the same principle applies: we heal by moving through, not around.

Building Your Joy Blueprint

Healing isn’t just about surviving hard times. It’s about building a life that feels meaningful even when things are hard. One of the ways I encourage this is by helping my clients create a “joy blueprint.” Think of it as a pre-planned infrastructure of the things that bring you peace, grounding, or fulfillment.

This could be as simple as:

  • Walking your dog in Oak Park

  • Visiting a park in Calabasas

  • Making art or dancing

  • Going to a theme park (a personal favorite of mine)

  • Attending a spiritual community in Thousand Oaks that aligns with your values

While some people may rely on faith communities, others might find their grounding in hiking groups, creative workshops, or mindfulness circles in Ventura or Agoura Hills. There is no one-size-fits-all solution. But the key is consistency. When you integrate joy and support into your routine—just as you would a therapy session or a job—you build resilience for the hard times.

I recommend journaling or keeping a log of what works for you. In trauma states, our brains can become foggy or overwhelmed. That’s why it’s so important to write down tools that help when you’re feeling strong, so you have something to reach for when you’re not.

The Self-Care Bank Account

Think of self-care and community as a bank account. Every time you go to therapy, attend a support group, engage in something creative, or spend time with a trusted friend in Westlake Village or Los Angeles, you’re making a deposit. When life hits hard, and you need to withdraw energy or support, you’ll have something to draw from.

But if you haven’t made any deposits—if you’re constantly pouring out without replenishing—eventually, you’ll run dry. And that’s when life can feel unbearably heavy.

I offer both online sessions and in-person sessions across California, including Calabasas, Ventura, and Los Angeles, to help individuals rebuild that inner reserve. Whether you’re navigating narcissistic abuse, recovering from emotional or sexual abuse, or simply needing support in your day-to-day, therapy is one way to invest back into yourself.

Living Life with Intention

So, what’s my philosophy on life?

Life is hard. Sometimes unbearably so. We all go through hard days, hard seasons, and even hard years. But that doesn’t mean joy is out of reach. You are allowed to build a life that feels good to live in. Not perfect, but deeply supportive.

Fill your days with the things that nourish you. Create routines that are kind. Seek out people who lift you up. And when life gets hard—as it inevitably will—trust that you’ve built something strong enough to hold you.

Whether you’re starting trauma therapy, exploring mindfulness, or working through your past in relationship therapy, know this: you are not alone. There are resources. There is help. And there is hope.

Valeriya Bauer, Psychotherapist

Offering trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, individual therapy, relationship therapy, and somatic trauma therapy in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, Agoura Hills, Calabasas, Oak Park, Ventura, Los Angeles, and throughout California.
In-person and online sessions available.