How Our Beliefs Shape Our Reality (And Why Therapy Targets Them)
By Valeriya Bauer, a Trauma Psychotherapist
Have you ever stopped to consider how the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and the world are actively shaping your daily experience?
In trauma therapy—including EMDR therapy, somatic trauma therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy—this is often one of the core areas we focus on. The beliefs we carry, especially those formed in early life or through traumatic experiences, profoundly influence how we feel, how we behave, and how we relate to others. Understanding and transforming these beliefs is one of the most powerful ways to heal and create lasting change.
The Origin of Beliefs
Beliefs don’t just appear out of nowhere. They are formed through our early childhood environment, our family of origin, societal messages, and cultural conditioning. And when we experience trauma—especially complex trauma, narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse—those beliefs tend to take on a negative, self-limiting shape.
For example, someone who grew up in an environment where their needs were ignored or they were constantly criticized might develop a core belief that they are not good enough or unworthy of love. In the case of trauma survivors, beliefs such as “I am not safe,” “I can’t trust anyone,” or “Something is wrong with me” are common and can deeply impact one’s ability to connect with others, pursue goals, or even regulate emotions.
How Beliefs Create Our Reality
Let’s say you carry the belief that people are inherently untrustworthy. That belief—whether conscious or not—acts as a filter for your experiences. You might interpret neutral actions as suspicious, overlook signs of care, or attract relationships that confirm your expectation of betrayal. Even when someone is kind, your mind may dismiss it because it doesn’t align with your internal narrative.
Our beliefs shape our emotional responses and behaviors. They are like invisible scripts playing in the background of our minds. Left unchallenged, they can define how we move through the world. That’s why identifying and shifting those belief systems is a cornerstone of individual therapy and relationship therapy.
From Trigger to Transformation
In my sessions, whether they are online or in-person, I often begin by identifying a triggering event that occurred recently—something that caused emotional discomfort. From there, we work backward. What emotions did this bring up? What were the accompanying thoughts?
You might discover thoughts like “I’m always messing up,” or “No one really cares about me.” These thoughts are often so habitual and automatic that we don’t question them. But therapy invites us to pause and examine: Are these thoughts actually true? Or are they based on outdated, trauma-rooted beliefs?
Through mindfulness and trauma-informed care, we learn to slow down our internal dialogue. We start to recognize patterns and ask: Is this thought helpful? Is it accurate? Where did it come from?
Rewiring the Brain
Once a client identifies a core belief or thought pattern, the next step is gently challenging it and beginning to replace it with something more balanced and realistic. This is one of the foundational practices of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and I often integrate CBT tools into my trauma work to provide clients with tangible steps they can apply outside of session.
Importantly, we never force “toxic positivity.” Telling yourself “I’m amazing and perfect” when you don’t feel that way isn’t helpful—it usually backfires. Instead, we work on crafting new, more neutral or compassionate thoughts. For example: “I made a mistake, but I’m learning,” or “This doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of love.”
The brain responds to repetition. Just like going to the gym builds physical muscles, practicing new beliefs over time builds mental and emotional resilience. The more you repeat and embody these new thoughts, the more automatic they become.
Healing on Multiple Levels
Here’s where the deeper work comes in. Many clients, even after identifying new beliefs, say, “But I still don’t feel it in my body.” That’s valid. Rewriting belief systems isn’t just cognitive—it also needs to happen on emotional and somatic levels.
Somatic trauma therapy helps bridge this gap by inviting the body into the healing process. For example, if you’re working with the belief “I am safe,” I might guide you to pause, feel into your body, and ask: What would safety feel like in my chest, shoulders, or stomach right now? Even if you don’t know, acting as if you do and staying with the sensation can begin to rewire your nervous system’s default responses.
This is where EMDR therapy is also incredibly powerful. It helps desensitize and reprocess traumatic memories so they lose their emotional charge, allowing more adaptive beliefs to take root. Healing isn’t just about changing thoughts—it’s about healing the wounds underneath those thoughts.
Belief Work in the Context of Trauma
Especially for survivors of narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, or sexual abuse, this work is deeply important. So often, your beliefs about yourself were shaped by someone else’s manipulation, neglect, or harm. You may have been told you’re too much, too sensitive, or not enough—and somewhere along the way, you internalized that message.
In therapy, we begin to dismantle those internalized lies and replace them with your truth—that you are deserving of love, connection, and safety. The journey isn’t always linear, and it takes time. But every step you take toward reshaping your inner narrative is a step toward greater freedom.
About Valeriya
Valeriya Bauer is a trauma psychotherapist specializing in trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, somatic trauma therapy, relationship therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy. She offers online sessions and in-person sessions to help clients recover from emotional and relational trauma. Learn more about working with her by searching Valeriya Bauer psychotherapist or visiting her online platforms.
