How to Make Decisions Consciously

Published On: April 20, 2026Categories: Healing, Life Transitions/Challenges, Therapy Process, Trauma

Learning how to make decisions consciously is one of the most powerful—and often overlooked—parts of healing. In my work as a trauma-focused therapist, I see this come up again and again with clients navigating trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, and somatic trauma therapy across Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, Agoura Hills, Calabasas, Oak Park, Ventura, Los Angeles, and throughout California.

For many people, especially those who have experienced emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, or sexual abuse, decision-making doesn’t feel intuitive. Instead, it can feel confusing, overwhelming, or disconnected. And there’s a reason for that.

When Trauma Disconnects You From Yourself

Something I’m deeply passionate about is helping people reconnect with themselves—because conscious decision-making starts there.

For much of my life, I didn’t realize I was disconnected. In clinical terms, I was often dissociated. Trauma taught me to check out, suppress my needs, and ignore my body. I learned to invalidate myself because that was what was modeled to me. It became my “normal.”

This is something I see often in individual therapy and relationship therapy. When you’ve spent years in survival mode, your body and your voice can feel far away.

So when I began my own healing journey—through trauma-informed care, mindfulness, and somatic work—it was a shock to start asking:
What do I actually want? What do I actually need?

A Personal Example of Unconscious vs. Conscious Decisions

A recent example that really illustrates this shift is my relationship with cosmetic procedures.

For years, I engaged in things like filler and Botox. It was normalized in my environment, and I made many of those decisions unconsciously—completely disconnected from how I actually felt.

When I began healing, I made the decision to go natural. I dissolved my filler, and the experience was unexpectedly emotional and cathartic. For the first time, I was present. I could feel everything—physically and emotionally.

It also brought up grief. I realized how many decisions I had made without truly checking in with myself.

Now, my approach is completely different. I pause. I reflect. I tune into my body. I ask myself:
Does this feel aligned? Does this feel like me?

What It Actually Means to Make Decisions Consciously

Making conscious decisions means learning to tune into your internal world—your body, your emotions, your intuition.

It means asking:

  • How does this feel in my body?
  • Does this feel calm, safe, and grounded?
  • Or does something feel off, tense, or pressured?

Your body is constantly communicating with you. The challenge is that if you’ve experienced trauma, those signals may feel very subtle—or even completely inaccessible at first. You likely learned to tune out your body or bypass/invalidate it and its signals.

This is where somatic trauma therapy and mindfulness practices become incredibly powerful. They help you rebuild that connection.

Over time, what starts as a faint whisper becomes clearer—and sometimes even loud enough that you can’t ignore it.

Step One: Learn to Pause

One of the first tools I teach clients in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and trauma therapy is simple but transformative:

Pause before responding.

If you’re not used to checking in with yourself, you likely won’t have immediate access to your true answer. That’s okay.

Instead:

  • Say, “Let me get back to you.”
  • Take time before making decisions
  • Create space between stimulus and response

This pause allows your nervous system to settle so you can access a more grounded, authentic response.

Step Two: Get Quiet and Tune In

Once you’ve created space, the next step is to reconnect with yourself.

This might look like:

  • Sitting in stillness
  • Practicing mindfulness or meditation
  • Doing a body scan
  • Taking slow, intentional breaths

Then ask yourself again:
What am I feeling? What do I need?

Often, the answer comes not from overthinking—but from a sense of inner calm and clarity.

Step Three: Build the Muscle Over Time

Conscious decision-making is a skill—and like any skill, it takes practice.

At first, you may need time and space to access your truth. But over time, as you strengthen your mind-body connection, you’ll begin to make decisions more intuitively and in real time.

This is something I often witness in clients doing EMDR therapy and somatic work. As they process trauma, they become more present, more embodied, and more confident in their choices.

Relearning Who You Are

Another important piece of this process is rediscovering yourself.

When you’ve spent years disconnected, you may not know:

  • What you like or dislike
  • What feels safe or unsafe
  • What excites you or drains you
  • What your boundaries actually are

This is why trauma-informed care focuses not just on healing the past—but on building a relationship with yourself in the present.

Start small:

  • Check in with your emotions daily
  • Notice your body sensations
  • Explore your preferences and interests
  • Use tools like an emotions wheel
  • Ask yourself curious, non-judgmental questions

This is the foundation of conscious living.

You Can’t Skip the Inner Work

Many people are told to “set boundaries” or “advocate for your needs.” But what’s often missing is this truth:

You can’t advocate for needs you’re not connected to or don’t know about.

That connection takes time. It takes patience. And it can be cultivated with support through individual therapy, relationship therapy, or online sessions or in-person sessions with a trained therapist.

Final Thoughts: Start Small

If you’re reading this and feeling overwhelmed, take a breath.

You don’t have to figure everything out overnight.

Start with:

  • One pause
  • One check-in
  • One honest moment with yourself

Healing is possible. I’ve experienced it myself, and I see it every day in my work as a psychotherapist.

If you’re in Agoura Hills, Oak Park, or nearby areas searching for somatic trauma therapy Oak Park or somatic trauma therapy Agoura Hills, know that support is available.

You can learn to trust yourself again.
You can learn to listen to your body.
And you can learn to make decisions that truly align with who you are.

— Valeriya Bauer, Psychotherapist