The Holidays Are Over. Now What?

Published On: January 5, 2026Categories: Life Transitions/Challenges, Pop Culture, Trauma

So… you’ve made it through the holidays. Congratulations. That alone is a big accomplishment. For many people, the holidays are a huge undertaking emotionally, mentally, physically, and relationally. And while some find this season joyful or meaningful, for others it can be deeply challenging—or even painful. If the holidays felt heavy for you, you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you.

As we step into the new year and begin 2026, you might find yourself asking: Now what?
That question can feel simple, or it can feel overwhelming. As a licensed trauma psychotherapist who provides trauma therapy, individual therapy, and relationship therapy, I want to share some reflections—my two cents—through a trauma-informed lens.

Why I Don’t Believe in Traditional New Year’s Resolutions

I’ve never been a big believer in New Year’s resolutions. Maybe at some point in my life I was, but over time I’ve seen how often resolutions fail. Most people abandon them within weeks, if not days. When that happens, it often reinforces shame, guilt, and the familiar “I’m not good enough” cycle—especially for those with a trauma history.

One reason resolutions fail is because they’re often rooted in all-or-nothing thinking. We tell ourselves things like, I’ll do this every single day, or I’ll never do that again. The truth? That’s unrealistic. You’ve likely tried this approach before, and it didn’t work then—so why would it work now?

From a trauma-informed care perspective, setting yourself up for failure only deepens self-criticism. And for individuals with histories of emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, or sexual abuse, that inner critic may already be loud enough.

Try This Instead: Set Intentions, Not Resolutions

Rather than forcing rigid goals, I encourage you to reflect on how you want to feel this year. What emotional or nervous-system states do you want to experience more of in 2026?

Some examples:

  • Feeling more at peace or at ease

  • Being less reactive in relationships

  • Feeling more grounded, safe, or regulated

  • Experiencing more joy or curiosity

Think of this as setting an intention, not a rule. Intentions allow for flexibility, compassion, and growth—qualities that are essential in healing, especially in somatic trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).

Some intentions I often resonate with as a trauma therapist include:

  • Inviting more safety into my body and daily life

  • Practicing returning to calm after being triggered

  • Building community and meaningful connections

  • Engaging in hobbies that genuinely bring joy

If You Do Set Goals, Keep Them Small and Flexible

If you are someone who thrives with goals, that’s okay too. Just approach them differently. Set small, tangible, attainable goals and allow room for flexibility. Doing something “most days” is far more realistic than “every single day.”

One of my favorite tools is habit stacking: start with one small habit you can maintain, then slowly build from there. Research shows that this approach is far more effective than aiming for drastic change all at once.

This matters deeply in trauma recovery, where safety, pacing, and consistency are more healing than pressure or deadlines.

Feeling Behind as the New Year Starts?

If you’re entering 2026 thinking, This isn’t where I thought I’d be, please know—you are not alone. Many people feel dissatisfied, stuck, or disappointed at different points in their lives. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human.

Instead of judging yourself, try reframing this moment as an opportunity to reflect:

  • If you’re unhappy in your career, where would you like to be a year from now?

  • If you’re struggling in a relationship, what is your part to work on internally?

  • If something feels deeply misaligned, what small, tangible steps could move you closer to change?

People transform their lives all the time—not through massive overnight shifts, but through intentional, consistent steps.

Happiness Is a State of Mind, Not a Destination

One of the most important reminders I offer clients in therapy—whether in Westlake Village, Thousand Oaks, Agoura Hills, Calabasas, Oak Park, Ventura, Los Angeles, or through online sessions across California—is this: happiness is not something you earn by achieving the next big thing.

If you believe, I’ll be happy when…, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Even after reaching that milestone, happiness still requires inner work, presence, and mindset shifts.

You can choose moments of happiness today. You can choose behaviors, thoughts, and practices that support your well-being now—not later.

A Final Thought

If there’s one takeaway from this post, let it be this: work on your state of mind, starting now. Whether through mindfulness, therapy, or intentional reflection, you don’t need to wait for your life to look perfect in order to feel okay.

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or curious about support, trauma therapy, EMDR therapy, DBT, and mindfulness-based approaches can be powerful tools for healing and growth.

—
Valeriya Bauer, Psychotherapist
Providing trauma-informed individual and relationship therapy with in-person and online sessions across California